This director is a jerk…oh wait, that’s the joke.

I was between gigs at one point and looking for side work till my show picked up again. I got a last minute call by a friend who was producing web segment called “PG Porn” with James Gunn as the director. I didn’t know anything about the project or the director, I was just told to show up on set the following morning an I did. The “set” was at a Motel 6 on Western Blvd…

I get there not really knowing anyone and the director is being an over dramatic asshole. Every two seconds he was yelling at the actors, insulting their intelligence, and just being a huge asshole in general. Alan Tudyk was one of the actors and the director kept stopping the scene and screaming about his accent and how his region was off. At once point an extra was looking into the camera and he called him a peace of shit and then kicked him off the set! The whole day was like this.

Again I didn’t really know anyone on set so I just kept my head down and did my job and made every effort to keep out of the line of sight of this insane douche of a director. Little did I know it was all part of the short…

– Kittysprinkles

Chuck Norris Hates Children…

I wasn’t “in the industry” at the time but here is my story.  Chuck Norris.

You damn kids! Git off your lawn!

You damn kids! Git off your lawn!

When I was around 12 my family let Chuck and company film some episodes of his show on a famous piece of land we owned. During the filming the adults asked the producers to request one or two minutes for Chuck to meet my brother and I, both of whom were major Chuck Norris fans (who didn’t love Firewalker?!). He refused.

The producers were so mortified that they spent the rest of the day working more to get Chuck to say hello to a couple of children than filming the show. He continuously refused, emerging only to shoot scenes, then retreating immediately to his trailer. They tried to set up several opportunities for us – between scenes, before/after lunch, all of which Chuck adamantly blew off. At one point they were filming a scene near the main house and my brother and I were sitting on a balcony some fifty to eighty yards away watching, when the motherfucker actually stopped the scene to send someone over to ask us to go inside and not watch. He couldn’t take thirty seconds to say hello to us, but a ten minute break to send someone to keep the children from watching him act? No problem for old Chuck.

Finally, toward the end of the day, we asked them to at least convince Chuck to sign a couple of headshots or something for us. After all, he was a guest on our land, and we had bent over backwards all day to accommodate him and his crew. He again refused. Not even a fucking head shot. Not even an autograph. For fans aged around eight and twelve years old.

When it was all said and done they were asked to leave early, and outright barred from shooting there again. The only saving grace was Clarance Gilyard Jr., who was one of the single nicest people anyone in my family has ever had the pleasure of spending an afternoon with. He spent a lot of time apologizing for Chuck, as I recall…

If I ever get within pissing distance of Chuck Norris, bet your bottom dollar his feet are getting wet.

– Chuck Norris Made Me Cry

Awkward encounter with Mark Hamill at an Oscar Party.

I haven’t been in the industry for very long and thankfully I haven’t had too many run ins with total douchebags…yet. I have had some interesting encounters and this one might be my most awkward and embarrassing story so far.

In 2011 I was new to Los Angeles and was fortunate enough to get invited to the Oscar party for the movie “The Fighter”. The party was being held at an amazing private home and it was pretty much exactly what you would imagine an “Oscar party” to be like, open bars everywhere, great food, red carpet and celebrities everywhere. Now I’m not one who gets “star struck”, in fact I don’t even recognize most celebs when I see them.

The party was in full swing and everyone was drinking and having a good time. I knew a handful of people at the party, which is how I got on the guest list to begin with, and we were standing around talking in this little circle (about 4 of us). As we continued to chat, other guest who knew my friends would join us, introductions were made and our circle would get larger. 3 more guys come over and joins us, I was introduced to Mark, Marvin Gaye III and his son, the conversation continued, mostly industry talk, what projects everyone was working on…etc. I didn’t have much to add but I was enjoying myself and mainly just listening.

In fairness, he looks nothing like this now. He didn't even have his lightsaber with him.

In fairness, he looks nothing like this now. He didn’t even have his lightsaber with him.

After about 30 minutes or so, I needed a new drink and asked if anyone else needed anything. “Mark” offered to come with me to the bar to help out. We chatted about whatever while we waited in line, got our drinks and went back to our group. About a hour later (and about 5 more drinks) someone in the group says something to this Mark guy and I get this “..wait a minute…” thought and my drunk brain starts connecting fuzzy dots… suddenly I figure out who this Mark guy is and without thinking and in a way too loud/ drunk /excited 12 year old girl voice I exclaim “HOLE-LEE SHIT! You’re Luke Skywalker! I had your lunch box!”. Realizing what the hell I just said I was mortified and just as shocked as everyone else. Everyone around me stops talking for a second and then just bursts out laughing and Marvin Gaye III shoots his drink though his nose. (Note to reader: When I say “everyone around me” I mean EVERYONE within a 25 foot radius, not just the people in my group). For the rest of the night random people would give me shit about it (in a funny way).

After he got done laughing and wiping the tears from his eyes, Mark Hamill was really awesome about it as was everyone else and we hung out for the rest of the night. As I later found out, the other members of my little circle of new friends consisted of studio heads, the writer of “The Fighter” (which I did know) some pretty famous producers, a big finance guy and some major agent from CAA (or somewhere)… I’m so oblivious.

About 6 months later I was at a private, underground poker party at another private house and Mark Hamill walks in. He sees me and asks if I brought my lunch box. Very cool guy.

– I’m an idiot

Sharon Stones ‘Basic Instinct’ is to be a bitch.

Sharon Stone – Ugh, I worked for her as her personal assistant for a couple of months and I’m pretty sure she’s my least favorite person on the entire PLANET. She was a complete bitch all the time, yelled at me for everything, unless she wasn’t yelling, at which point she was belittling me.SharonStone-300x232

I have so many stories about her…how she made me buy food for her kids, but bitched me out for not getting the right color sherbet. Meanwhile, she had to call the nanny to ask what food they ate and juice they liked. Then she asked if I’d ever heard of juice that comes in individual sized boxes. The nanny told her the kids liked those, but she’d never heard of them before.

She was feeling nice one day and decided I needed a makeover. She took my face in her hands and told me if I just shaved my unibrow and bleached my mustache, a man might finally love me. I wanted to be like, “bitch, I’ve had relationships longer than your first marriage.”

She made me work 15-17 hour days, then refused to pay me overtime, claiming those hours were normal in show business and who dare told me 8 hours was normal. I called her manager who told me to ignore her, that she (the manager) would take care of my checks.

Argh, this is bringing up so many terrible memories!!

Really? Sharknado?

Sadly doesn’t have Debbie Gibson in it… did her career die with Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus…which was of course the prelude to the blockbuster Sharktopussharknado

ADMIN EDIT: I actually watched this masterpiece last night. I don’t want to give away any spoilers… but I can say, if you watch it DON’T TURN IT OFF, even if every fiber of your being screams “I can’t take anymore”..stick it out. Make a game of it, drink every time you see a continuity error. On second thought you will probably end up with alcohol poisoning in the first 30 minutes. Anyway dig deep and tough it out.

The ending is…well…indescribable.

Leave us a comment if you watch it… it will be therapeutic for all of us. *END EDIT*

But come on, this would be so much better.

Someone make this PLEASE!

Someone make this PLEASE!

I’ll bet that Rachael Ray is really nice.

Guess which one will rip your face off.

Guess which one will rip your face off.

While I was a starving actor I used to work in security at a mall on the West side to make ends meet. One day, Rachael Ray comes in to do a book signing for her new cookbook. In those days, the security office was accessible directly from the parking garage, so many VIP’s

came in and waited in the security office so they wouldn’t be mobbed. Since the office was just one large room, we just sat in silence as I went about my job.

To break the tension, I thought; “hey, let’s try and strike up a conversation!” I asked her how her day was going, and without even turning her head from her blackberry, she said “don’t you talk to me.” What a bitch.

-Unemployed Actor

Justin Bieber goes with the flow

TMZ just released a video of the Beebs taking a leak in a restaurants mop bucket… yeah, we will just let that sink in for a minute.

It gets better… while whizzing away, he then announces to the staff  “That’s the coolest spot to piss. You know, you’ll remember that thebeebsflo-300x199forever.”…and then his little buddy exclaims “You’re not gonna remember him pissing in the restroom. Like everybody does that.” which in fairness is a valid and surprisingly insightful comment.

To further the memorable experience for everyone, after relieving himself in the mop bucket he spotted a picture of Bill Clinton (which is a bit WTF? in itself) and proceeds to squirt the photo with some cleaning spray and states “Fuck Bill Clinton” and then disappears into the night.  It’s unclear what’s behind the Beebs deep seeded hatred of Bill Clinton.  It may stem from Clinton’s controversial passage of the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy back in ’93 or possibly the fact that Clinton has not responded to any of Beibers multiple friend requests on Facebook…either way Homeland Security might want to look into it.

Be sure to floss too!

When I first came to LA I landed a PA job for a B-List director. I was pretty excited and jumped into the job with gusto (I was pretty naive). My enthusiasm soon faded when it was obvious that my job mainly consisted of being his personal errand boy and human punching bag.

dogbrushing

Making dinner reservations then getting angry calls about how much he “hated” the restaurant for whatever reason, driving around town running errands and picking things up and getting angry calls about how long it’s taking, screening calls, screening emails and setting up schedules were all pretty much daily events.

The lowest moment came at a private dinner party at his house. At this point I had been working for him for about 9 months. It was attended by about 15+ other Hollywood celebs, and executives. Dinner was served, interesting conversation and the wine was flowing and I was really enjoying myself. Apparently he detected that I was enjoying myself and that was clearly unacceptable. So in the middle of dinner he announces that I need to go brush his dogs teeth…RIGHT NOW. What? Up till that moment I wasn’t even aware that his dog had a tooth brush… What an asshole. My job search went into high gear immediately following that, I quit about a week later and thankfully went on to do much better things.

– Anonymous Producer

Awkward B-Day Reminder From Lindsay Lohan

It’s like a tweet out of a John Hughes movie…but with less heartwarming and more depression. Does anyone else envision Lindsay sitting alone in a dark room lighting and blowing out a single candle stuck in a stale cupcake over and over while singing an endless and creepy version of “happy birthday to me”?

Happy B-Day Lindsay! I don’t want to spoil it, but I think LA County is getting you a new ankle bracelet!

Oh..sorry do you celebrate birthdays in rehab? #awkward #uncomfortable

Oh..sorry do you celebrate birthdays in rehab? #awkward #uncomfortable